Category: Absurdities

3000

I can’t believe it.  It’s 3000.  My favourite number.  Three thousand hours.  3000!  What a night this is turning out to be.  The “shift” that completes my three thousandth hour.  Can you write that 3000sandth?  If you can get that straight there’s probably a lot of things to celebrate.

I’ve noticed how I’m almost one of the old guard now.  Looked upon as such.  That’s time chewing things up.  I noticed, for the umpteenth time now, as I was coming in, that everybody knows me here and I wonder every time, why is that?  How could it be?  It’s because of the umpteenth time.  And it’s me.  Coming in.  Thanks for coming in.

It was a “Who is this guy?” moment.  Some hick was being incredibly rude to everybody.  You didn’t know if he was some kind of forgery, or what.  Incredibly stupid, rude and ignorant.  A 60 or so year old white guy in bad clothes wearing a stupid hat.  Lean, lined face.  Black eyes.  The devil himself.

You’ve been reading the mail.  At least that’s what it feels like.  You see stuff like this, but it can happen anywhere.  You understand that because you’re mature.  You’ve been around and seen a lot.  It doesn’t make any difference.

“That would never happen” was a key moment.  It wasn’t necessarily the intention but it was the result.   It was the truth.  He looked at me, I looked at him, and we knew it.  And I walked out of the office.  “Check the file.  I’m doing a good job here.”  I don’t think anyone had called him before.  I hope I helped you with your process today.

So it’s 3000.  It’s just a number.  It’s a nice, round number.  You do what you have to because it’s an expensive town.  I hope.

It’s been a busy July and we hope you’ll stay tuned.  Get some D-rays and stay hydrated.  There’s some really important stuff coming up but I can’t remember what it is right now.

samoyeddogs would like to welcome Rosemarie Daviduk to the program.

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Gun Crazy

The security guard was upset. And so he should have been. An armed guard had been shot four times that morning in Toronto. He’d survived and was in hospital. The security guard heard about it on his break and when I got back from lunch asked if I could bring the story up on my phone at my next break.  I did that before the break, and passed him the phone.  After reading the story, when we had a moment, he said, “That’s the company I used to work for.”

I knew what he meant because there’s a lot of companies I used to work for.  But I never worked for one where you carry a deadly weapon and also someone might try to use one on you.  I never did that, so I’m always interested in people who have.  Why not?

We chatted a bit in another brief conversation a bit later that afternoon.  It was up near the high-end Napa Valley stuff.  Good stuff.  The guard talked about working for that company and told me a short story about being on the firing range, practising with the standard issue Smith & Wesson .38 revolver.

He’d forgot his speed loader and the boss was ticked because it was supposed to be part of the training session.  How to get more rounds into the weapon speedily.  Before they kill you.  I looked it up later.  I was getting an idea of what it’s like to do that, to “pack” or “carry” a gun, all those clichés.  It’s not always really well paid and can be mostly routine and very ordinary and job-like and not always really well respected.  Until the day comes when somebody starts shooting at you.

Smith & Wesson .38It’s a serious subject.  ‘We know the power of the gun.  We wear the scars of the violence.’

‘Gun Crazy’ is a very good film.  It’s older than me.  I remember right here and now, right off the top of my head, ‘I just like guns.’  Good old B&W feature.

There’s been gun violence in my neighbourhood, and probably in yours.  Maybe not.  The people doing the shooting don’t think about it as ‘gun violence’.  It’s strange to hear from someone in the same work situation as you that he used to work for a company where people get shot.  I never did that.  It needs repeating.

I’m reminded, I don’t know why, of the police constable from right around here in our town, who lost his gun.  VPD. I can’t remember if he got it back or what, but it was one of these.  I found it for him.  I’ve had it on file it for awhile.  The much traveled Sig Sauer P225.

Sig Saier P225

I was also reminded, in the midst of all this gun craziness, of a TV news item already quite a few years ago but I’ve never forgot it, of a police arrest of a youth, a young man out in Surrey, who didn’t look like he was more than 12.  He had a loaded nickel plated .45 pistol on his young person.  I remember thinking, ‘What the heck is it with that?’  I looked up ‘nickel plated’ later.

Almost immediately there were stories about the Toronto heist fail and the goofy, deadly goons including courtroom sketches.  Three young men.  Not old enough to drink or vote and, apparently, the second time they tried.  Well get on with it lads!  Why not?

So it’s come to this. The end of the post about guns.  They’re beautiful, really.  They’ve got style and sophistication.  They carry some weight and that feels good in your hand.  I’ve experienced that part.

All right hold it down.  I know, I know.  You need to see what a nickel plated .45 looks like.  Especially after all this.

350px-NickelPlatedM1911A1The kid.  The child.  With this beautiful weapon under his little plaid shirt. Sheesh-ya!  Stay in touch!

less later…

 Boundary Pass

 

 

 

‘Steven Brown’

Art by Tami Thirlwell
Flowers Courtesy Tami Thirlwell

It’s taken a while to break me down but I have to confess I’m not the person you think I am.  You know, I’ve never actually known who ‘Steven Brown’ is?  I’m serious.  Okay, not that serious.  But have you ever wondered who you are?  Of course not.  Okay, this post is over.

If you’re born with a name, and grow up with it, and it’s you, that’s different from being one person then becoming someone else, especially if you were already a bit confused as to who you might be.  I know.  Again.  So what?

My one question is does it move the dial?  Will it start the car?  I know.  That’s two questions.

I was stunned myself when I actually, finally, put everything aside and started to look into ‘Steven Brown’.  There’s a lot of this guy out there.  I knew that but was afraid to look because I’m, you know, unique.  I was dumbfounded, appalled, bewildered.  I nearly rolled over and went back to sleep.

The guy is everywhere.  Sometimes it’s ‘Steve’, sometimes, ‘Stephen’, occasionally ‘Stephan’ or ‘Stefan’, and always ‘Brown’.  Brown.  What’s that mean, anyway?  What’s ‘Steven Brown’ mean?  It’s worrisome.  It’s on every land mass, this thing, this ‘Steven Brown’.  And it seems to hold down a vast array of occupations.  Doctor.  Lawyer.  Musician.  Academic.  Top commenter.  That’s not an occupation.  Shut up.  Try it.

It’s just strange.  It’s unavoidable.  It’s banal.  And it’s not my fault.  ‘Steven’ is my christian name.  Are they still called that?  ‘Brown’ is my adoptive name.  I didn’t adopt it.  Somebody adopted it for me.  So it’s always in the back of your mind, right?  Are you sure?  Are you sure that’s you?  Who are you, actually?  And what happens when you find out?  Not that you ever will.

It’s like having the last name ‘Smith’.  I always thought, because I was told, it’s the commonest name, but I only ever knew one Smith and that was years and years ago.  You never meet a Smith.  Forget it.  If the name’s so common where are they all?  If you know a Smith let me know because I’m here to tell you Smith is not a common name.  Brown is a common name, much more common.  Unless it’s Wong.  It’s funny because Stephen Wong was a good guy, but where is he?  And as for ‘Steven Brown’ it’s off the dial.  The dial’s broken.

It’s just a solemn fact there’s a lot of us out there.  There’s not much I can do.  I could change my name.  But why bother?  It didn’t work the first time either (see above).

But even people with unusual names, they’re not alone.  You can have a strange name like Punxsutawney or Thirlwell and feel you’re in the clear but when you look into it discover you’re well back, you’re not first and not even tenth or maybe twentieth.  It’s frustrating.

I just remembered something.  I knew another Smith and it wasn’t that long ago.  Andrea.  Nice kid.  Worked with her, sort of.  I think she changed her name.

Olympic Mtn AlpenglowThat’s it.