Isn’t he cute? Our first born too. And we feel so special about him because he’s just so special. And we decided to give him a unique name. Not a really unique name like Tyler or Crispin or Skywyn or Jake or Tanner or April or Jimeen. Just a unique one. Tell the truth we just don’t know the sex.
Drosophila melanogaster. Step right up. They’re flying by my head right now. It’s tough. They just don’t seem content to die off like they should. They’re like the Imperial Japanese Air Force. Buzz buzz. Flying around looking to bug somebody.
Great name for a band. Look, I just want to get drunk here. They’re all over me. And they bight too. They can be as irritating as their country cousins the No-see-ums. The country cousins pack a wallop for their minute size. “Gdamn no-see-ums,” we used to call ’em in the woods. These citified miniature fruit-flies though, while they bight, it’s more of an itchy/scratchy thing. Loved that show. Cat hates ’em.

So when you’re staring at your breakfast tomorrow morning remember why the baby’s fussy. It’s Melanogaster. It’s hard but time is on our side. After a while it’s just another annoyance. It’s September 17 and we will outlast you, Drosophila.
It’s ridiculous. Those little green pail things with the handle the city gave you to put your vegetable peelings and stuff in? Don’t open it. Not good. Dark swarms of Drosophila melanogaster’ll be all over you. It’s awful. Ow! Get outta here!
Fruit-fly images courtesy CS Nicol