Wolverton

“Then let’s get to the end of Donald Trump on November 8? I ask America to get drunk with me. To enjoy their wine and spirits and whatever else they want to put in their bodies and to ensure, by any means available, such a cabrón never gets into the White House of the country I love.

“We gotta make a pact that this will never happen because it can’t happen or there’ll be no comedians left. It’s too ridiculous and if nothing’s funny anymore we’re out of work. We’ll never stand for that and America is never going to stand for that…”


Wolver 1I was beautiful in my youth. A sleek coat, happy personage and being small and manageable were things that could take a dog pretty far in my day. Wolverton’s the name and this is my entry.  I hope you’ve all enjoyed a wonderful vacation.

I rather liked the name Wolverton from the first day my mistress gave it to me. It was her choice, you see, as I was a gift from her parents. I don’t know what provoked her to blurt out ‘Wolverton’ upon first crushing me to her chest in an act of love and excitement. But the name has stuck since 1932 and now it’s 2016 and now I’m here to tell you my story and now you’re here to listen.

Wolver 2Wolverton’s the name, longevity’s my game. I can tell you this, if you want to stick around as a child’s inanimate plaything it doesn’t hurt to be locked up in a trunk for fifty years either.

I had some bad luck in my day. As you can see, my right ear is in the erect position while my lovely left is in the relaxed position. How this happened to me I can’t say, but I’m quite sure it had something to do with the reign of terror of those grandchildren.

That’s when I lost my right eye. I’ve had a lot of damage done to the right side of my old head. My eye was hanging on my cheek by a piece of string and I can tell you that if I’d been an animate dog, they’d have had to take me to the vet.

They could have just thrown this old chuffer away, but I knew I was safe against anything like that because people love me. It’s plain I’m a special dog and I’ve got staying power.

Wolver 3I’m a happy dog but I think any dog that is a survivor is a happy dog. To last over time in a meaningful way can be the fulfillment, I would say, of a long and brilliant career.

Can you imagine? I despise clutter and can only tolerate so much. It’s always been that way with me, so when I was packed away, not being a real dog, I didn’t much care. I was for it.

To tell you the truth it’s been good for me. I’m optimistic about the future. I’m free again to do my job, the job I was meant for, which is to be an object of affection and to provide a sense of security and happiness.

I think my greatest achievement has been that I’m reliable. And I think that is the British way and more importantly the British Columbian way. Like all old dogs I’m off for a nap just now. Be in touch zzzz.


“The stakes for self-aggrandizement have never been higher. Reference one Donald Trump. You know what? He’s not a bad guy if you don’t have to do business with him or depend on him for the smallest, blessed thing. I’ve lost, myself personally, far more money than I ever made by investing in Trump. That makes me a Democrat but no surprise there.”

Wolver 4

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About Steven Brown

Literature. Guest Contestant
This entry was posted in Absurdities, Certainties and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Wolverton

  1. csnicol says:

    I laughed I cried. Right on. xox

  2. Tami says:

    Wolverton!! What a great tribute to a great dog. Loved this one, and the photos are perfect!

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